SOME DECISIONS ARE EASIER THAN OTHERS

Today a wonderful friend from my childhood came to visit.  We lived seven houses apart as children.  Our mothers were instant friends.  Good people.  Nice family.  

   Judy visits from time to time when she flies in from wherever her jet setting single life takes her.  No roots.  No pets.  No husband.  Yet, we have exact common interests in life.  Funny.

   This year Judy has brought along her second cousin.  Jane also went to school with us so it was a blast catching up.  It is apparent right away there is more than meets the eye with Judy and Jane traveling together.  Like the old folks say they are surely shackin up.

   To make things interesting my two life long friends are very religious.  Extremely so.  But this particular evening they are not wearing their typical conservative clothing.  Instead opting for shorts, tank tops and fresh Key Largo suntans.

   Chase pops another beer can and I am surprised when my friend of thirty seven years asked him if he has any tequila.  I have never seen her drink.

  As the evening grows older I am considering this situation with much amusement.  Apparently Judy has thrown all caution to the wind.  I know one thing.  She sure seems happy and good for her.

   Festive colorful lanterns give off a sensual glow and the moon is so full and bright, it allures me while barbecue chicken sizzles in the air.  It smells really good in our back yard.    

   "OK guys it is time to eat.  The vittles are done."  I tell my guests and we gather along the picnic table.  Scorching Florida heat is still at bay and a slight breeze cools this charming night.

     Jane excuses herself for the restroom as I go around to everybody at the table.   I want to know what they would like to drink with dinner.  I offer wine, ice tea, root beer and lemonade.    

     Judy gets this funny look on her face as I pour my twins a tall glass of cold ice tea and says

 "You make the best ice tea!  You sweeten it right?"

  "Yes.   With real sugar while it is still warm.  That's why it's so good, do you want a glass?" I ask while leaning towards her with the pitcher.

   "Oh, well, yes I do" she nervously answers at the same time looking back over her shoulder towards the house.  My friend continues.

   "But I probably better not."

   Puzzled I look at her and ask "Why not?"

   Peering in the direction of the back patio then towards me again she lowers her voice and says "It is so against our religion, caffeine and all that.  Jane will get upset if I drink it."

   By her expression she is dead serious.  So I stifle my laugh and nod while pouring her glass full of lemonade instead.

   But, I will tell you what.  There are many choices in life that can be difficult and time worthy.  Some taking months and perhaps years of careful consideration.  This here is not one of them. 

   It is against her religion to have sex with the same gender but this doesn't upset Jane.  It is against her religion to be intimate with her cousin.  Again okie dokie with Jane.  It is against her religion to wear revealing clothes and bathing suits as she and Jane have gorgeous tans in all the wrong places.  And it against her religion to drink alcohol while toasting our friendship with a shot.

 At this point I say go ahead and drink the ice tea.

A BRIGHT RED MUSTACHE FOR EASTER

    Morning came clear and bright with fire orange bottle brush flowers blooming against the egg blue sky.  Lying in bed I see the lake is still and quiet.  The smell of bacon frying and a faint sound of Hank Williams singing 'Your Cheatin Heart' float up the vaulted ceiling to my room, and I smile.  It's Easter.

   The thrill of diving into my basket is something I look forward to every year.  Our bunny does the best job.  After, we have a delicious spread of steaming biscuits and gravy, fresh Florida fruit and dad's famous grape juice icee, then scamper to dress for the arrival of our extended family.      

   Every holiday is fun at my house but especially whenever Aunt Edna comes over.  She is hilarious.  Lucy and I like to wait upstairs and peek out the window at our arriving guests.  We thought we were so invisible.

   Aunt Edna and Uncle are always first to arrive.  As a childless couple themselves they appreciate us with extra attention.  I am giddy with excitement watching them pull into the drive.  I love Easter!  Candy at every turn. 

   Zoning in on the contents of my Uncle's arms I spy white chocolate Rabbits and huge chocolate covered eggs tied in bright pink ribbon.   Mmmmmmm.  My sister interrupts my concentration . 

    "What is wrong with her lip?" she says pointing down as my Aunt walks towards the front door and is temporarily shaded by the huge almond tree.  Lucy is belly-laughing before I focus my attention away from more gifts my Uncle is unloading from their car.

    What now I wonder looking in her direction.  

   I too burst our loud laughing.  This lends my Aunt to glance up towards our open window giving us a clear view of her face. " What is wrong with her lip?" I reply as she waves us to come on down. 

   Not having to be asked twice I jump up and Lucy follows.  Running towards the stairs I  holler in the direction of my brother and sister's rooms "Aunt Edna and Uncle are here!"

   Bounding the stairs two at a time I land at the bottom just as mother opens the door and is taking the green beans out of my Aunts hands.  Wishing each other a Happy Easter my mother and her sister-in-law start to laugh as mom looks at her and asks.  "Edna! What have you done to yourself now ?

   Looking over at all us little girls scattering the staircase she starts to chuckle. 

 "Well girls, let your Auntie tell you something.  Just remember.  Never ever use a prescription strength retenoid on your upper lip to get rid of wrinkles at the same time as bleach hair remover so you don't look like a little old man and then forget you have it on while you nap for three hours.  Or, you too can have a bright red mustache for Easter!"

  

           

  

  

THE GREEN BERET

 always asks me "Who broke a penny on your nose?"

THE MISTLETOE

Did you know that mistletoe lasts a long time in the refrigerator?  A long time.  Years in fact.  Well not that many years.  But yes years. 

   And it is stayin in there until I kiss him underneath it.  He is the only one I want to kiss under it.  And it doesn't even have to be in December.  I will know when to hang it.  This mistletoe is special. 

 I want to look up into his soft, sexy eyes.  Again.

  Then slowly press our warm wet lips together.  We will linger amongst the blue glow of Christmas lights and be captivated in the touch of our skin to the only sound of the breath between us.

   With his arms draped around my waist, once more he will hold me close.  His fingers stroke my skin with the lightness of a feather while his tender kiss will raise my foot and point my toes.  Just like in the movies.

   Well, I can think of one other man.  No wait, two other gentlemen I would kiss under it.  That is it.  Two.  That is the number I am sticking with.  A total of three. 

   For now.

A SPITTIN TRUCK

Ever seen one?  I have.  Lots of times.  But the best lookin one drives around my neighborhood.   

   Lucky me.

LETS DO WHAT WE DID LAST NIGHT........ AGAIN-Steel Magnolias

"I see you lookin boy but I don't feel you."

   I'm gonna have to kick off the high heels and get my cowgirl boots on.

THE SAD BRICK HOUSE

The kitchen grows silent.  Family chatter and endearing stories taper off as she prepares to feed him lunch.  Her heartbreaking routine is hard to witness and brings burning tears to my eyes.  Watching my sister's tender hands care for him, enchants this room of sadness.

   He holds the tube above him and she pours the baby food in. He tilts his head and stares at her.   His huge blue eyes penetrate the quiet that surrounds us.   He is not able to speak words of gratitude but we all hear him as he continues to gaze at her loving face.

  I look away so he won't see me cry as my stomach churns with anger.        

  

"DON'T LOOK!"

"Don't look!  I don't know what is wrong with this house but everyone is 6ft tall and the towels are 3ft."

IT MUST BE TRUE

My first grade teacher Mrs.Wright told me "Ivey Mae darlin you have ants in your pants."  Four years later my fifth grade teacher jumped on board. 

    Then in my early twenties I overheard my mother's voice drenched in frustration asking dad "What is wrong with her?"  To which he calmly replied "She has ants in her pants." 

   The woman I work with for over fifteen years smiled at me today as I jumped up to lower the air conditioner.  In her sweet amiable tone she tells me " Lord I swear I never did see a grown woman that had ants in her pants like you." 

   OK it must be true.

   What I want to know is where they came from. 

  

FAMOUS

"You are gonna be famous" he says while leaning in the truck window and grinning ear to ear.  Slowly placing my hand on his forearm I reply with a wicked smile to match his own  "I already am."

AUNT EDNA

My Aunt has a wild imagination and a leopard bikini.