THE BIRDS AND THE BEES
Looks like there were two versions of this story at my house.
One Christmas night while exercising with my sisters, I discovered something new.
This is what happened.
After Christmas
supper, the abundance of candied yams and sugar cookies always sends my
figure conscience clan out for a walk. Mother usually accompanies us on
the two mile loop that winds around our family home. But this year she
stayed back to watch football with the men folk. At the time five out
of the seven of us had teenagers.
It's nice and cold
outside, about fifty degrees. The sun hasn't set and the warmth feels
good in the winter air. Looking down I am surrounded by my wonderful
sisters feet, all clad in exercise shoes. We turn north and our mouths
start running too.
Lucy as the eldest,
always has the rest of us clamoring for her attention. Witty, sensible
and tough describe my parents first born. Lucy Lea is loyal through and
through. Her classic beauty rivals the depth of her intelligence and
the reach of her humor. Her long wavy hair shines as she purses her
lips to speak. Lorraine is bombarding her with questions as I eagerly
wait, to do the same.
Huddled
together while we race walk, the conversation turns to our kids and
the dreaded task of informing them where they came from. After
discussing our combined options Polly asks "do y'all remember when
Mother talked with us?"
Continuing on, the
sun starts sinking low as I listen carefully to my sisters recollection
of our childhood. It appears we each got the birds and the bees
chat around our eighth birthday. Sounds about right.
As we laugh and walk
and jockey for position, neighboring Christmas lights cast a nostalgic
glow as the evening grows into night. With all of my sisters agreeing
on the basic facts of mom's story there is one little detail that none
of them are repeating. One by one they reminisce and it confirms what I
have thought all these years! Hello? I got too much information.
I remember the summer before I
turned eight. Liquid memories of swirling hula-hoops, private tree
forts and roller skates take me back in time. Endless days of water
skiing and barbecue with the smell of pool chlorine in my hair, fill my
senses. Details of how I came into the world and ended up playing in my
backyard on thirty-fourth terrace, were not important to me. I
was young and happy, safe and carefree.
Just about this time Rosemary and
Polly notice I am conspicuously quiet. In fast succession my siblings
prod me and slow their pace. Lorraine speaks up. "Well Ivey Mae
you sure are quiet. What did mom say to you about 'doin it'?"
Slowly I reply.
"Yea, looks like I got a little
more information on doin the horizontal dance than y'all did."
Lingering the words to tease my sisters, it works. "What? What? Oh my
god what did she say!" Lorraine, Polly, Lucy, Alice, Rosemary
and Daisy are all talking at once and no one is walking as they form a
circle around me. Lucy Lea starts groaning and a smile creeps on
her face "come on, what did she say?"
" Well, my version is right on
with yours almost verbatim. She called me inside, sat me down on my bed
with a library book and told me the fundamentals of the man with the
sperm, the woman with the egg and combined they create conception. Yadda
yadda."
Then getting grossed out even
speaking about it, an embarrassed grin creeps on my face causing my
sisters to squeal like stuck pigs. "What? What? Tell us! What did she
say?"
"Mind you, I asked no questions!
I could have cared less. All I wanted was to go back outside and
play." Then she says "the couple can make love either lying down
or......... standing up." Daisy and Lorraine scream the loudest , in
unison, "EEEEWWWwww GROSS!" Roaring with laughter we start up the long
walkway and see our parents rocking side by side, smiling, at the sight
in front of them.
Adding a final thought to our
sisterly secret, I lower my voice. "Hhhhhmmmmm. No wonder their bedroom
door is locked all the time."
Then Lucy says in the same muted voice with a wink in her eyes " And now we understand why she can wear the shower cap and a moo-moo and still look so darned cute to dad!"
