YEA,THAT WOULD HELP

Growing up in the sixties I was fortunate.  My only ongoing concerns were the Russians and multiplication tables. 

  The Russians weren't that big of a deal, really.  I knew mother and dad would protect me and if I was at school, well they had a sound, logical emergency plan in order.  If we were hit with a nuclear bomb we would simply hide under our desks.  Yea, that would help.  I wonder what high ranking school official came up with that scathingly brilliant idea.  My folks taught me right.  Don't always do what you are told.  Think.  I think at any sign of trouble I'm runnin home.

    And good lord, enough already with the multiplying.  I memorized the Gettysburg address and could sing each word of every Monkees album recorded. But for some reason I just could not remember, at the tip of my tongue, all of the multiplication tables.  Sue me.  Look I can figure it out.  It may take a pen and paper but I'll get there.  And what was the hold out on the calculator?  We had dictionaries to help us spell.  Teachers knew we did not have to hold those numbers to memory.

   I still can't multiply and one of my best friends is Russian.

THE THREE FACES OF EVE AND FLYING MONKEYS

As a little girl that woman scared me and so did those mean monkeys.

  Watching the Wizard of Oz was a yearly event on the Saturday evening of Spring Break.  Me, my sisters and brother gathered in pajamas on the yellow flowered wrap around couch.  I felt safest in the turn of the sofa.  This was the farthest spot away from the TV and I was swaddled by Lucy and Lorraine. 

    My childhood smelled good.  Our hair held the fragrance of fresh coconut shampoo.  Oatmeal cookies drifted in the air, while New York strips sizzled through the breeze of the Florida room windows.

   Mother comes sweeping around the kitchen corner and sees my bare feet.  "Ivey Mae where are your slippers?"  Without bothering to answer I take off down the hall as fast as I can.  I'm already feeling concerned and don't want to be alone.  I know the monkey's are coming.   Slipping my shoes on from the end of my bed, I turn and run back towards the living room.  Passing dad, he smiles at me and says "Ivey your hair is drippin wet."
  I reply without glancing back "I know dad but I'm in a hurry." 
  His calm knowing voice replies "You're always in a hurry.  Slow down or you're gonna miss life."

  Everybody watched the Wizard of Oz. If you owned a TV it was on and tuned in.  The wicked witch could be heard shrieking from one house to the next through each neighbors window like a natural surround sound system.  No speakers necessary. I could hardly watch as the sand fell from the hour glass.  I scrunched up closer to Lucy, closed my eyes and held my breath.

   As an adult revisiting these movies I realize Eve was not crazy.  She was probly going through menopause, lived with a couch potato and next door to her mother.   Still, I'm afraid of the mean monkeys.  Oh and by the way, who says Trix are just for kids?  I will always be loyal to the rabbit and continue to hope he gets the damn box from those kids.     

THE GREATEST LOVE STORY

And now......there are two.

A DOZEN EMPTY VASES

And none were for me.

YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER WITH US?

Bring your own weapon.  I can provide a shield.  If it gets rough I'll cover you till you reach the door, then scoot home.

HEAVY THINKIN

Well, today had to be some sort of milestone.
  I fell asleep sittin in a chair. 

    My Grand maw and Grand paw slept sitting up.  I watched my parents age and do the same thing along with aunts and uncles.  

    It appears that nighty-night time looms if you are old enough and sit down for long enough.   The ratio of time needed to slumber decreases with accumulated birthdays as does the effect of background noise.  Holidays and such where there is a big gathering always induces elder relatives that are up-right and drifting off.   

    See, there are perks with age.  If a young person falls asleep sitting up there is something wrong.  They are under the influence, need a nap or a doctor.  When you are olden you don't need a reason.  That is the reason. 

   My Grand paw and Uncle Joe used to nod off with regularity on the front porch swing.  We girls would watch and giggle while keeping a running tab of who was sawin logs first.

   Needless to say no-body ever admits it. 

   One summer Sunday afternoon Uncle Joe was snoring like a loud freight train.  Wind gusts slowly rocked his chair in the late day light.  My mother and her sisters could be heard banging around in the kitchen with George Strait's  handsome voice in the background of it all.  Lucy Lou and I perched at our bedroom window above, playing cards.  My Aunt Suzi slams the screen door below and confronts her hubby.  "Joe are you nappin?  Joe?  Joe, wake up."
"Wha-wha? What?" he says with no concern.

   We look down as our sweet Uncle never opens his eyes, all the while acknowledging her. 
"Joe are you sleepin?"  Suzi asks again.  He answers quicker this time, eyes relaxed and shut. "No no I'm not."
"Well, you're snorin!" she insists.  Hands on her hips she watches as he drifts back off.  Then again..."Joe! You are sound asleep and we ain't even home.  Joe wake up."

   Still, he never opens his eyes but answers again "Nah, nah I'm just doin some heavy thinkin."  Stifling our amusement we laugh quietly as Suzi looks at him in total disbelief and he starts to drift.  Our Aunt goes on "Joe, you are snorin.  You are sleepin and snorin.  You're "thinkin"......yea, what you thinkin bout?  Sleepin?  Joe you are snorin sure as the sun is gonna set so you gotta be sleepin." 

    Being married a long time he answers, with his eyes closed.  "Nah, it ain't snorin its just heavy breathin....... to go with the heavy thinkin."

  

SOUNDS TO ME LIKE

Two birds live in our front tree.  They fly somewhere for winter and return back every spring.  I hear them in the early morning hours before the neighborhood is up and going.  Sounds to me like they argue more than they sing.  Hhhhhmmmmm...... must be married.

HE AINT GOIN ANYWHERE

He won't abandon the dogs.