THE ROCKET

They did scrub the launch but I don't think the whole mission was a loss.  

SHE HAS NOTHING TO SAY

This boundless grief has transformed her.

   I hope the bastard eats prison food for the rest of his life.  I know one thing for sure.  I will be there to look him in the eyes if he ever walks through the barbed wire fence to freedom. 

TIME FLIES

Not only does time fly when you are having fun it flies when you are arguing.  How about that?  Live and learn.  
  
   I think I would have rathered listened to the radio.  But the intermittent "Oh my god get me out of this car" from the back seat did break up the monotiny every twenty minutes or so. 

ARE WE THERE YET?

"Ivey Mae! Don't slam the door you are gonna break the window.  Lord you are rough as a bull in a china cabinet."
Taking a dddddeeeeep deep breath I turn the ignition and pull out onto the road.
We are taking her car because after the compromise we settled with me driving her vehicle.  
And away we go.

"Don't turn on the radio."

"Mother I know how to change the channels back to whatever you have it on."

"I know.  You know everything but I don't.  And you shouldn't be listening to the radio with all of this traffic.  You need to concentrate.

"You mean I have to drive three four hours.  Or god knows how long it will take us and I can't listen to the radio?"

"That's right.  And don't drink any water either because we are not stopping." 

A ROCKY START

Oh this here is a big surprise.

   Following several rounds of disagreement over who is driving on the road trip I had to tell her she was elderly and a bit unsafe.  Which is why I was offering to drive her in the first place.

  She thinks age trumps everything.  She is wrong. 

Just because you have lived a long time doesn't mean you can weave in and out of the lanes and go forty miles an hour on the turnpike in the far left lane.
   Finally "No mother.  I am driving."
   After insulting me, my children and my dogs she calls back.

   "OK Ivey Mae.'' she says completely disgusted.
   "Call me at seven o'clock and pick me up at ten.  And not a minute late.  You all eat a little bowl of cereal and tell the girls to use the bathroom because we are not stopping."

   Morning comes and we pull through her drive just as rain starts plopping on the windshield in big wet drops.  Great.  Then in unison the twins groan aloud.  "Oh no mommie!  Please don't let her wear that!"  Hayley takes it a bit further.  "I am not going if she wears that."

  Here she comes, my mother.  Laundry basket in hand, which is her version of a suitcase.  Smile on face.  Shower cap on head.

   Jumping out to help her.  She stops dead in her tracks and stares at my flowing floral shirt, that I chose carefully, knowing she would approve of the t-shirt underneath providing complete modesty.  And says

   "Well damn Ivey Mae why are you wearin your nightgown?"  Before I can answer she adds "And I sure hope you didn't put on any of your stinky perfume because that will just make me car sick."

   And we're off!   Wait till she finds out we didn't eat a little bowl of cereal.

ROAD TRIP

Oh my.  I must have gone temporarily insane or something yesterday for a moment or two because apparently I called my mother and invited her on a road trip.
   The last one we took there were bets taken to see what county we would get to before the fighting broke out.  Hell we didn't even make it out of the driveway and she was begging me to take her home.
   By the time we passed the rocking chairs lined in front of the Cracker Barrel we were eatin lunch at separate tables.

   A smooth trip ahead?  It ain't promisin.   

WEAK IN THE KNEES

Air looses its breath when he is standing so close.   

  

THE SEXY MAID

I've never met her but she must be sexy as hell and a little scattered brained. 

   The elusive foxy maid left a thigh high fishnet with a black seam in his bed.  Another time there were navy blue boy-shorts trimmed in lace.  An array of unmatched earrings and a silver toe ring made their way to the desktop. 
   
   Then one day you know who found a long strand of smooth creamy pearls tucked deep into the sheets at the end of the bed.    

   But what I really want to know is how the sexy maid is getting a hold of all my stuff?

PATIENCE

I know.  I know.  It's a virtue.

LOVE BUGS

Love bugs are out of control.  They are worse than a needy lover.

  It is wise and sensible in acknowledging too much of a good thing.  If these bugs could get the heck away from each other every now and then they would not end up smooshed on the front of Floridians cars.

  These little flying dummies haven't learned anything along the way.  Even locked in lust gets old if you don't come up for air.  If just to breathe and go back to what you were doing.  At least you have a chance to see where you are going.  Love bugs spend their short lives having a good time then get mortally smashed, and generally it is in one fell swoop.  Not a pretty ending to a life of love. 

 I'm glad I'm a girl and not an insect.  As Dad says "when you use your head for more than a hatrack Ivey Mae it will always help you."  I've noticed it helps spread out the getting smooshed part. 

 And that's real easy to do if I limit how much I visit my mother. 

"BEING YOUR BROTHER........"

".......is definitely not boring."

MILDEW

If I clean it out of my own bathrooms at home I sure as heck do not want to pay to look at it in a nice hotel. Do you know what I mean Vern?