STOLEN SILVERWARE

 My sweet husband has been stealing silverware from restaurants for well over 35 years, for which I have cringed and have nary a matching set for more than two people in my kitchen drawer.  I am now 63 and have given up, so today  when he was leaving for a three day business trip the last thing I said as he left was "We need spoons." 

THINK AGAIN

 Over the weekend I had to do the weekly food shopping so I headed into good old Smiths out West in Utah, the equivalent to Florida's Publix. Upon entering the grocery store I was neck and neck with two other shoppers, a teenager type about 15ish and his father.  Their relation was easy to see as they mirrored each other from the top of their blonde blonde heads to the pointed boots on their toes.  Cute.

Going for our shopping carts I hear the young man say "Just get a small cart Dad because we don't need too much stuff."   Weaving up and down the aisles we kept passing each other as we gathered our items up for purchase.  

Down the cereal aisle I hear "Do we need that?" causing me to look up at the Dad with a box of Raisin Bran in his hands.  Moving on down another aisle, over the bustle of busy Saturday shopping I hear "Dad we have soup.  We don't need that.    Mom said just get what we need.  Do we need that?" and I thought Jesus Christ, that kid would get on my every last nerve if I had to live with him, related or not.  

Reaching the end of the store while picking up my favorite rootbeer and water bottles I once again encounter the shopping duo as I hear "Dad next time we shop you've got to bring a list and stick to it because you impulse buy and Mom said get only what we need." 

At this point I could not stand it another minute.

I turned to the handsome, miserable, middle aged man and said

"I bet you thought you'd left your wife at home."