WHO'S GONNA RIDE IN BACK WITH GRANNY?

Fresh fall air puts Chase in a good mood and he decides to buy us a new family vehicle. This is what happened.

   I am not one to really care what kind of car I drive as long as it is safe and sound.  I don't like the SUV types because they feel the wind more, so other than that, Chase has free rein to shop and buy whatever his heart desires. 

   After a couple weeks of Internet shopping, tonight after supper, he leaves to go pick up the new car, while I do dishes and eye my laptop, that is beckoning me to write.

   Within the hour our daughter takes his call as he excitedly tells us to come outside.  He will be driving up shortly in our new family vehicle, that is a complete surprise and his excitement is contagious.  We immediately go out front and wait.

   The three of us are lined up in the yard. 

   Our son, who is 6ft2inches, our daughter, just shy of 5ft8inches , and me 5ft6inches, eagerly awaiting our brand new ride.

  All eyes are searching the street, then at once, we see a snow white pick up truck rolling our way in the early evening light.

   While Chase turns the truck up our drive, I feel the puzzlement of my kids thought process, because it is the same as mine. There is a single cab.  He bought a truck with a single cab.  It is a beautiful new Ford 150. 

  We have four members in our family and more times than not, my mother rides with us.  Our new family car, seats three.

   As Chase emerges from the truck, our son speaks.

   "Nice truck dad.  Who's gonna ride in back with Granny?"   

  

BANGIN OUT THE BUMPER

I can bang out the dent in the bumper, but there ain't a hammer made, that is big enough to bang out what is wrong with him.

THE DOG HEAD COUNT FOR THANKSGIVING

The road trip for Thanksgiving promises to be extra entertaining if we don't get this dog situation under control.

   The whole family, teenager included, five dogs and my mother, in one vehicle?

   This conjures up a colorful vision of mayhem on the Florida Turnpike.

SOMEBODIES GOTTA GO!

OK, at this point it is five dogs too many!
   And somebodies gotta go.

   Nobody's gonna get hurt, a no-kill shelter, or Pet Smart or something.  But somebodies gotta go.

   After four days and four hours of five dogs, the two sweet puppy visitors are still in the front yard.  And the two that may be headed to the shelter, ain't  walkin on four legs! 

I FIGURE IT'S BEST

Well today I took the rescued dogs to our handsome vet.  They had no chip to trace the little cuties to their master.

   None of the interested neighbors or relatives, welcomed them into their family as I had hoped.

   Then, Chase came back home early from the Keys, with the big hairball, our Lab.

   So, tonight, as I lock up the house, I figure it's best not to count anything walkin on four legs. 

THE WAY I FIGURE IT

I awoke early this morning to three dogs, one cat and five rabbits.

   Well before noon, I had rescued two little, itty bitty dogs from a live and bustling pay-day Friday intersection, bringing the sum of dogs to five.

   By early evening Chase took the elder mutt, Gracie Burns along with him to Key Largo.

   As I lock up the house for the night we are at a grand sum total of four dogs, one cat and five rabbits.  So, the way I figure it, I'm comin out ahead.

ARE THOSE YOUR EYELASHES?

One evening in nineteen eighty five, I had to work.  This is what happened.

   Walking straight to the hot window and bright lights, another waitress saddles up beside me as we read the posted menu on the wall, in preparing for our night shift of waiting tables.  Both of us are young and working hard.  I smile and say hello.  She frowns.

   Focusing my attention back to the specials for tonight, I see her turn towards me from the corner of my eye, and feel Alicia take a swooping step closer.  She is not a relative, not even friendly towards me, just ignored me to my face, and suddenly, she is standing way too close. 
 Don't breathe on me unless I want you to.

   Then she demands.  "Are those your eyelashes?" with a more disgusted tone, I have never heard.

    Taken aback by her rude and imposing self, my wit through Auntie's bloodline saves me.

   Batting my eyes in slow motion, I turn to her and smile.  "Well, sweetie if they ain't mine whose are they?  Sometimes, I have to curl them to see where I am going."



  

A REDNECK

Somebody just told me to use an Alphanumeric.

   Well first off, I had to grab the dictionary.

   Secondly, I can guaran-dam-tee-ya, a redneck would never use that word.
 If you want me to use abc's and numbers together just tell me.