My cousin Merle the Perle does not live here. Yet he is a loyal relative and distance never keeps him away from important family gatherings. His family's presence is warm and welcomed. Problem is Merle says inappropriate things at the wrong time. For instance.
When Grandmaw passed, he walked in and sat with his wife and children in the funeral parlor, like everybody else. Except he is the only one that asked
"Whatcha mean y'all don't have any beer? Lord's sake Grandmaw's done gone and died. Hell I cain't think of a better reason to be drinkin. Y'all want me to go and fetch some? I don't mind. The drive'll do me good. I don't like bein round dead people. Specially when they's related and ya ain't got no beer."
Another time we were at my Great Uncle's surprise birthday party. My Aunts and Uncles were chatting while we kids ate burgers at a nearby picnic table. Cousin Merle was marveling over my Aunt Rebbecca as she took up weightlifting since he last saw her.
Aunt Becca starts flexing to show off her newly found muscles and loud as a cow bell we hear " Hot damn Becky! I like strrrrrong girls. They can git on top!"
Now, today is New Years Day. Everyone is coming to our house as usual to watch football in the backyard. Dad brings out the TVs and mom bakes ham and fresh plum rolls with sweet whipped creme. We cousins run the yard and house exploring our new toys with laughter and touchdown cheering in the backdrop.
This year mom is really fretting over Merle and his mouth. And for good darn reason after his now infamous statement at the Christmas dinner. We had fifty one relatives lined down two tables, decorated with flowers and glowing candles.
Upon finding out that our cousin Margie Lynn has a girlfriend, loud as a cow bell we hear
"Well now, ain't nothin wrong with that! Ever-body needs a little pussy ever-once in a while."
